Monthly Archives: June 2015

How to properly piss off an American

‘Murica. The land of the red, white and blue. Land of opportunity, dreams and apple pie. America is a melting pot and known as the place to go to achieve a dream. I’m American born and raised and I am proud. As an american, there are some things that piss me off. So here it is; viola. A guide to pissing off Americans. Because if you’re going to do it you might as well do it right.

Número uno: I am American. Yes. We’ve established that. I come from Germany. My parents, my grandparents. We all hail from Germany. I’m not the first one who’s roots are from a different country. The truth is, most of us, most Americans, our heritage lies somewhere else. Very very few of us have ancestors that were native Americans and are actually native to America. Most of us come from somewhere in this big, vast world. That’s what makes America so beautiful. What divides us unites us. We are all from different places but we all came to America. So please, I emphasize please do not assume that we are all the same. What makes us beautiful is how different we are. There is no one else like me! Except maybe my mom. But the point remains the same! If you ask me what I am I will say American (unless we’re already in America; then it’s implied and I’ll say German).

secondly, I know there’s cartoon photos and memes going around of fat men on handicap scooters with deep fried donuts in their hands with an American flag on the back. ‘Murica. I take no offense, I like a good ‘Murica jab same as anyone else. But you have to realize, that’s not real America. Yes we’re a fat nation (I don’t even think we’re number one!) and yes I have seen a real life fat man on a scooter with an American flag but not everyone is like that. Not everyone is a republican from the south with a gun. I can’t use myself as an example because I AM a republican who OWNS a gun.but nonetheless, America is founded on the idea of change. As much as I disagree with the Westboro baptist church and their protesting; it’s an American right to protest! America’s founding fathers built the country by protesting. The Boston tea party and the revolutionary war! We are a nation that is constantly evolving. I was born in 1992 and at that time I don’t belover interracial couples could marry. Maybe I have my dates wrong, but nonetheless, that changed! Now we are fighting for the rights of gay couples. America is a progressive society that is constantly changing. We are not these wheelchair bound, fat, flag toting, deep frying, republicans that we are made out to be. If you come to America and are sorely surprised at the lack thereof, you will be deported immediately.

Lastly, personally I can’t stand it when anyone assumes that because I’m American, I’m stupid. I got my fair share of that while I was abroad and I’m ashamed to say that one of those people who made said assumptions was from my own university that I was studying at. My being American has no contribution to my IQ. I realize that America has fallen short in the education next to places like, Norway, Switzerland, Finland or Sweden. However, America has housed some of the finest minds. Do not go out of your way to assume that an American is stupid. You will be sorely let down.

At the end of the day, there isn’t much that pisses me off. I’m a hard person to anger. Americans are known aside from deep fried food, guns, and freedom for our friendly, selfless personalities. We really just want to make you smile. That’s all for now.

Till next time.